I love Jimmy Carter.

Don't all belly dancing health care performance improvement coordinators recovered from thyroid cancer? I mean, I can't think of one that does not. And I don't want to know how anyone could not.

I have always loved Jimmy Carter. I remember very angrily pointing out (as a 10 year old) that Ronald Reagan did NOTHING to get those hostages released, because he'd only been president for like, 2 minutes. Jimmy Carter had a daughter who my around my age. He wore cardigans (I WEAR CARDIGANS NOW!). We have so much in common.

Every now and then (or at minimum, every Sunday and Wednesday as I blog), I wonder what is the purpose of my life. I try and figure out how Jimmy Carter works into that. For a while, I thought it might be Habitat for Humanity. I've always wanted to learn some of those handy skills.

Then I thought just meeting him would be enough. But why would he meet me? What would I say?

On the way home tonight, I started thinking about public speaking and democracy. I am just as reluctant to perform a public speech as any other mumbler with a terrible accent. (But Jimmy Carter has an accent too!) I've also ruled out public service an any elected capacity based on my background. But election monitoring is the coolest thing ever. Somehow, speaking and election monitoring go together in my crazy brain. And for once, I'm putting it out there instead of mulling it over in my head forever until it gets all muddled. What do you think? Is this my future, going on and on about election monitoring at public drinking establishments? Or is there more to it than that?

Makeover

I just finished hemming the curtains for the big living room makeover. What's next?

The funny part is, I don't think anyone who has ever been here would even notice the difference. It's kind of like how no one ever notices the pink walls, or when they turned pink. The furniture is in the exact same constellation. The couch is still bright green. There's still a tall lamp in the window, two smaller vintage lamps (that Richard almost gave away to Goodwill!!!) on the same side tables.

BUT THE RUG IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT.

This is amazing because the former rug we bought on our honeymoon 18 years ago. It has been in the center of every seating arrangement we have ever had (which would be all of two, by the way). The corner was getting a little chewed up, though. We freely allowed Mr. Awesome to go to claw-town on whenever he desired, in case destruction could entice us to update. We'd been looking at rugs for a while, but nothing was affordable / desirable.

I saw some nice, reasonably-priced rugs at our lovely Marshall's and pointed it out to Richard. He finally moseyed over to look at them this week. We found a Oriental-style rug (although it was more than the other rugs, but not as much as the rugs we had liked in the past) and brought it home.

It looked great with the couch. But then the curtains didn't look right anymore. Too busy. So we went to Ikea (which is kind of a road trip and anxiety attack / divorce trigger in our reality, but we survived) and got some new curtains.

It is quite lovely. I want to see it in the afternoon light (it's nighttime now). I want to take an afternoon nap. I want to have some people over.

And I want to do more. Is there a way to change myself like this? Leave the furniture, and just replace the other bits? If I were to buy a new "rug" for myself (let's say, a new top), what would it be? Some kind of flowy, hippy top? Or more structured?

Answer the question, then shop, I guess. 

Gender blender

(Schmender.) I've been thinking about gender issues today. Linsdsey posted this video on her facebook page. I'd seen it before, and it did bother me for about a minute at the time, but I got over it (which I will explain shortly):

1. These are young, inexperienced people. Do you know what an idiot I was when I was 20? I try not to think about it. Ever. Shudder. But I remember enough to know these people are temporarily insane.

2. I consider ALL of my friends, male and female, smart, funny, and attractive for one reason or another. I also would only consider sexual partners of the same description. Am I plotting to "trick" everyone into bed? Apparently.

3. Upon further consideration, that is most definitely could possibly be true. I have made major education, career, and, in fact, predictions for the coming new year based on interactions with men, whom I may have found quite attractive. So stone me. I'm a whore.

This would all be hilarious, except that modern American society will take me literally. Despite the fact I've been married for 18 years, once been given the nickname "Vanilla Square" (because I'm the imaginary stripper that would be all BA DA BA DA BABA but then be too shy to whip my top off and therefore runs off the stage), and otherwise reputable member of society, I'm subject to slut-shaming, misogyny, and judgement. Just for being a woman.

It pisses me off that I even have to think about being a "reputable" member of society. My mother and my grandmother were very worried about reputation. It sometimes amuses me to think of the horror they would feel if they were alive now about my Middle Eastern dance obsession. (See? It's making me use fancy terms for belly dance.) Why can't I just do things that are loving, moral, and make me happy?

So, foolish young adults, you are correct. Men and women can't be "friends". Especially if "friends" means something like "coffee table" or "inert material" to you. Friends interact and touch and sway back and forth. It's kind of sexy, but it doesn't need to be SEX.

Routine poutine

How's THAT* for motivation? Get your routine on, ladies! 

But, yes, it being that time of year, I've been thinking what I would like my routine to be. I have found it helpful to have a schedule, and a basic framework. Yes, I am the Mistress of the Obvious. Anyway, as much as I would like to be a cat (routine: sleep, watch birds out the window, kibbles, kitten freak-out, sleep), I am not. 

So, if the goals are to go on a trip, keep running, be my painfully-literal-but-diplomatic-self-with-a-fabulous home, garden, and ass, I'm going to need to build in the little things that support such goals. 

The thing I've been obsessed with for the last 24 hours is some yoga / stretching / dancing every day. And when I look at what my professed goals are, I no longer see where that fits in. This structure also makes knitting a waste of time - which is true, to a certain extent. I took up knitting / crochet to make TV-watching productive. As you could probably deduct, TV-watching does not support any of my goals. OH, MISTRESS OF THE OBVIOUS. YOU ARE SO CRUEL! 

So yeah, what's the routine again? I should be fixing, cleaning, running, or gardening right now? (Luckily, I did have writing on the original list, so I'm not REALLY wasting time right now.) Who made this list?

Okay, the routine has built-in slacker time in it. Fine. And really, as the kitties have taught us, time to watch the birdies is valuable as well. And naps. Lots of kitten naps. 

And yoga / stretching / dancing every day. Blog is twice a week. (Preferably Sunday and Wednesday.) Running is whatever. The trip is based on working and saving money. I can clean or fix something every day.  Read before bed. Garden on Saturdays. I will make a google calendar to keep track. 

New Year's, baby!!

*I have never eaten poutine. But I would like to visit Toronto or Quebec again. 

Annual Review: 2011 Was Kind of a Struggle

OMG I love the end of the year. Have I mentioned the "fresh sheet of paper" theory? Probably last year. Top ten lists, mind-maps, LISTS! (you know I love lists, right?), planning, listing, sparkles! But I'm really excited this year, because I found things on the internet that support my love of such things!

This year, I am using the annual review process I found on chrisguillebeau.com. I am also reading (from the Kindle lending library) a book about running life lessons. (Side note: it amuses and intrigues me that so many self-improvement ideas involve running. I suppose that's one of the reasons I keep trying, because there's some sort of connection that I can't fully name.) And really, that's what this blog is all about, between the whining and the dancing and thankfulness lists - what IS the meaning of life?

So, with no further ado: 2011: What went well this year?

My job: I know it's just a job. But I like to do things that I'm good at and that make a difference for others. I really do think that healthcare quality standards make things better for patients. And really simple ones, especially. It amazes me sometimes that United States National Patient Safety Goals have to include "Wash your hands" and "Make sure you have the right patient before you begin treatment", but they really do! And, colleagues that I know in my heart really care and want to do the right thing still struggle with these goals. I do feel that I'm in the right place at the right time, for once.

My health: no new cancer. This is more of a happy coincidence than the result of anything I've done. Next year, I will try harder.

Travel: I went to New Orleans (and I still haven't uploaded the pictures). It was amazing, and not what I assumed at all. I forgive you, South.

Voice: Not singing. But in the heat of some discussions (at work and at home), some voice of truth came out of me. I did not know the words. I should have listened closer, honestly. But I was happy it was there, and I look forward to hearing it more.

Dance: I love dancing. There, I said it out loud. And it means something, in the world. Have you seen this?
So inspiring.

What did not go well?
My garden: too much time online, not enough outside. I will correct that next year.

Running: I kind of dropped out. But like I said above, it appears to be important. I do like it. I just don't love it enough to be obsessed. I think if I sneak up on it, and very casually regard it and hold hands, we can do it again.

Relationship: Being married is hard. I think every mature human in a relationship knows this, but goes for the dumb fairy tale of yore every time. "Marriage" is a gatekeeper, Chris Gillebeau! I'm not sure what to do about it, except realize that I've paid the toll and we're on the road and we'll see where it goes.

Friendships: I'm good at hanging out. I'm not so good at being there. I will try harder for anyone who deserves it this year. I would love to be able to drop the "deserves it" clause, but the scar tissue makes me kind of thick sometimes.

My job: I have briefly succumbed to showing up. I want to be there, too. If I want to be there. You know.

Almost there: GOAL!!!!(s) for 2012. The theme? Small Change, Big Pay-Off.

My job: I will put the passion back by doing what I'm good at - literal, focused analysis with the big picture in mind.

My health: I will sneak the running back. I will remember that I never overeat anymore.

Travel: I want to go to Belgium / Netherlands / Luxembourg in the fall of 2012. There. I said it. 7 -10 days. Investigation begins now.

Voice: I will listen to the voice. Unless it's a voice about cookies or something.

House: I will fix things that are broken. This will make a pleasant environment.

Write: I will keep this blog up! Add pictures! Once a week!!! Exclamation makes it happen.

Dance: I will do a tribal solo at the August show. I will gain confidence by just dancing to my own music at home once a week.

Garden: I have seen the internet. I will then go outside, even if it's only 15 minutes of weeding or pruning.

Ta-daaaaa!

Well, the costuming frenzy is over for now. Here is one of the performances from our hafla last week. I made the tassel belt and harem pants that I wear. The sewing machine has been out since early October in almost constant use.

I learned a lot from this performance. In this video, I can spot plenty of screw-ups on my performance of the choreography. But good part is, I did not grimace. I did not stop. I looked the audience in the eye and said "Oh yeah?" I'm not really grimacing now that I see it after the fact, either. This is progress! I have "found whiz"!

For a minute, anyway. Always moving forward. I'd be interested in getting a serger, or just knitting for a while. What about making my own costume with beading? I would like to do a solo performance this year. Moving forward and BUILDING, not just another blank page.

I wish I had a video of the other group performance, with the other costume.

Experiments in Walking

(picture from last year - I just realized this blog is getting a little text-heavy).

If you want to really bother people for reasons they can't pin down, try walking differently. It's been quite interesting to observe the reactions to a change that should only affect me, yet drives others crazy.

I went to a belly dance workshop Halloween weekend with Tempest. She was giving a lot of performance tips and really just daily practice ideas (which is what I was lacking) and one of them was to walk toe-heel EVERYWHERE (to improve posture, dancer's poise, stop yourself from stepping on something regrettable before your full body weight is on it, etc.). Perhaps the same weekend, I read an article in the New York Times Magazine about running form, which was also about the negatives of a heavy heel strike.

So I started stomping around my office differently. I think it's most annoying there because of the tile floors and my heels. People accused me of trying to sneak up on them, as it's a much different heel noise. It's also kind of hard with heels, but I think I've got it worked out now.

I also use it when shopping, and I notice that it draws a lot more attention. Or maybe it's that I'm looking for reaction, and therefore find it, I don't know. It makes me much more conscious of walking, so that's part of it.

I've also tried it walking downtown with sneakers, and it's much harder then! It's like I can't go fast enough. A lot of the effort seems to come from the lower abdomen instead of the calf pushing off, which is at least different. I also use it for a break while running.

I do think it's changed my leg quite a bit. I see more muscle in the back of my leg than before (but that could have been the tights I was wearing - I have no measurements or anything).  I do feel the jarring now with the traditional heel-toe walk. It just feels more graceful. I think I'm going to stick with it.

The funniest part to me is that Richard hasn't really noticed. But then, how often do you see your wife walking? Especially if your wife is me - I'm more likely to be loafing. But yeah, the co-workers think I'm crazy (my mistake for explaining my theories and experiments). Random passers-by probably just can't figure out what's different, or are wondering when the dancing begins. Which I like, actually.