How's THAT* for motivation? Get your routine on, ladies!
But, yes, it being that time of year, I've been thinking what I would like my routine to be. I have found it helpful to have a schedule, and a basic framework. Yes, I am the Mistress of the Obvious. Anyway, as much as I would like to be a cat (routine: sleep, watch birds out the window, kibbles, kitten freak-out, sleep), I am not.
So, if the goals are to go on a trip, keep running, be my painfully-literal-but-diplomatic-self-with-a-fabulous home, garden, and ass, I'm going to need to build in the little things that support such goals.
The thing I've been obsessed with for the last 24 hours is some yoga / stretching / dancing every day. And when I look at what my professed goals are, I no longer see where that fits in. This structure also makes knitting a waste of time - which is true, to a certain extent. I took up knitting / crochet to make TV-watching productive. As you could probably deduct, TV-watching does not support any of my goals. OH, MISTRESS OF THE OBVIOUS. YOU ARE SO CRUEL!
So yeah, what's the routine again? I should be fixing, cleaning, running, or gardening right now? (Luckily, I did have writing on the original list, so I'm not REALLY wasting time right now.) Who made this list?
Okay, the routine has built-in slacker time in it. Fine. And really, as the kitties have taught us, time to watch the birdies is valuable as well. And naps. Lots of kitten naps.
And yoga / stretching / dancing every day. Blog is twice a week. (Preferably Sunday and Wednesday.) Running is whatever. The trip is based on working and saving money. I can clean or fix something every day. Read before bed. Garden on Saturdays. I will make a google calendar to keep track.
New Year's, baby!!
*I have never eaten poutine. But I would like to visit Toronto or Quebec again.
OMG I love the end of the year. Have I mentioned the "fresh sheet of paper" theory? Probably last year. Top ten lists, mind-maps, LISTS! (you know I love lists, right?), planning, listing, sparkles! But I'm really excited this year, because I found things on the internet that support my love of such things!
This year, I am using the annual review process I found on chrisguillebeau.com. I am also reading (from the Kindle lending library) a book about running life lessons. (Side note: it amuses and intrigues me that so many self-improvement ideas involve running. I suppose that's one of the reasons I keep trying, because there's some sort of connection that I can't fully name.) And really, that's what this blog is all about, between the whining and the dancing and thankfulness lists - what IS the meaning of life?
So, with no further ado: 2011: What went well this year?
My job: I know it's just a job. But I like to do things that I'm good at and that make a difference for others. I really do think that healthcare quality standards make things better for patients. And really simple ones, especially. It amazes me sometimes that United States National Patient Safety Goals have to include "Wash your hands" and "Make sure you have the right patient before you begin treatment", but they really do! And, colleagues that I know in my heart really care and want to do the right thing still struggle with these goals. I do feel that I'm in the right place at the right time, for once.
My health: no new cancer. This is more of a happy coincidence than the result of anything I've done. Next year, I will try harder.
Travel: I went to New Orleans (and I still haven't uploaded the pictures). It was amazing, and not what I assumed at all. I forgive you, South.
Voice: Not singing. But in the heat of some discussions (at work and at home), some voice of truth came out of me. I did not know the words. I should have listened closer, honestly. But I was happy it was there, and I look forward to hearing it more.
Dance: I love dancing. There, I said it out loud. And it means something, in the world. Have you seen this?
So inspiring.
What did not go well?
My garden: too much time online, not enough outside. I will correct that next year.
Running: I kind of dropped out. But like I said above, it appears to be important. I do like it. I just don't love it enough to be obsessed. I think if I sneak up on it, and very casually regard it and hold hands, we can do it again.
Relationship: Being married is hard. I think every mature human in a relationship knows this, but goes for the dumb fairy tale of yore every time. "Marriage" is a gatekeeper, Chris Gillebeau! I'm not sure what to do about it, except realize that I've paid the toll and we're on the road and we'll see where it goes.
Friendships: I'm good at hanging out. I'm not so good at being there. I will try harder for anyone who deserves it this year. I would love to be able to drop the "deserves it" clause, but the scar tissue makes me kind of thick sometimes.
My job: I have briefly succumbed to showing up. I want to be there, too. If I want to be there. You know.
Almost there: GOAL!!!!(s) for 2012. The theme? Small Change, Big Pay-Off.
My job: I will put the passion back by doing what I'm good at - literal, focused analysis with the big picture in mind.
My health: I will sneak the running back. I will remember that I never overeat anymore.
Travel: I want to go to Belgium / Netherlands / Luxembourg in the fall of 2012. There. I said it. 7 -10 days. Investigation begins now.
Voice: I will listen to the voice. Unless it's a voice about cookies or something.
House: I will fix things that are broken. This will make a pleasant environment.
Write: I will keep this blog up! Add pictures! Once a week!!! Exclamation makes it happen.
Dance: I will do a tribal solo at the August show. I will gain confidence by just dancing to my own music at home once a week.
Garden: I have seen the internet. I will then go outside, even if it's only 15 minutes of weeding or pruning.
Well, the costuming frenzy is over for now. Here is one of the performances from our hafla last week. I made the tassel belt and harem pants that I wear. The sewing machine has been out since early October in almost constant use.
I learned a lot from this performance. In this video, I can spot plenty of screw-ups on my performance of the choreography. But good part is, I did not grimace. I did not stop. I looked the audience in the eye and said "Oh yeah?" I'm not really grimacing now that I see it after the fact, either. This is progress! I have "found whiz"!
For a minute, anyway. Always moving forward. I'd be interested in getting a serger, or just knitting for a while. What about making my own costume with beading? I would like to do a solo performance this year. Moving forward and BUILDING, not just another blank page.
I wish I had a video of the other group performance, with the other costume.
(picture from last year - I just realized this blog is getting a little text-heavy).
If you want to really bother people for reasons they can't pin down, try walking differently. It's been quite interesting to observe the reactions to a change that should only affect me, yet drives others crazy.
I went to a belly dance workshop Halloween weekend with Tempest. She was giving a lot of performance tips and really just daily practice ideas (which is what I was lacking) and one of them was to walk toe-heel EVERYWHERE (to improve posture, dancer's poise, stop yourself from stepping on something regrettable before your full body weight is on it, etc.). Perhaps the same weekend, I read an article in the New York Times Magazine about running form, which was also about the negatives of a heavy heel strike.
So I started stomping around my office differently. I think it's most annoying there because of the tile floors and my heels. People accused me of trying to sneak up on them, as it's a much different heel noise. It's also kind of hard with heels, but I think I've got it worked out now.
I also use it when shopping, and I notice that it draws a lot more attention. Or maybe it's that I'm looking for reaction, and therefore find it, I don't know. It makes me much more conscious of walking, so that's part of it.
I've also tried it walking downtown with sneakers, and it's much harder then! It's like I can't go fast enough. A lot of the effort seems to come from the lower abdomen instead of the calf pushing off, which is at least different. I also use it for a break while running.
I do think it's changed my leg quite a bit. I see more muscle in the back of my leg than before (but that could have been the tights I was wearing - I have no measurements or anything). I do feel the jarring now with the traditional heel-toe walk. It just feels more graceful. I think I'm going to stick with it.
The funniest part to me is that Richard hasn't really noticed. But then, how often do you see your wife walking? Especially if your wife is me - I'm more likely to be loafing. But yeah, the co-workers think I'm crazy (my mistake for explaining my theories and experiments). Random passers-by probably just can't figure out what's different, or are wondering when the dancing begins. Which I like, actually.
Newsflash: High school is over. They can't send you back. It's time to act like a grown-up.
Sorry about the lecture. It is mostly directed at myself. I know that I'm being immature when I use the word "grown-up". But I've been through a few things recently that reminded me to act my age, not my shoe size, maybe we should do the whirl...
Oops. Song from high school. Those probably aren't quite the lyrics, either. I was LITERALLY brought back to high school from hauling out an old yearbook. One of my co-workers graduated in my class, and she hadn't seen it years. She had kind of a rough time, got pregnant as a junior and felt shunned the rest of the time. So I brought it in for her to look at.
Of course, I previewed it first. Because apparently I was a mean girl! Most shocking to myself, I drew an "A" on the collar of a younger girl. You know, for "Adulteress". (I'm surprised Literal Teenage Liz didn't find a red pen to draw it....) It wasn't even anyone I remember, let alone remember being mean to me, which might have been forgivable.
But it's really not forgivable. I can respect that not everyone has to like each other. But I want to stop judging. Put down the red pen. I want to be able to say, Huh, that's interesting.
So, the preview showed that I was a jerk, but at least I hadn't marked up my co-worker's photo (unlike the Junior yearbook, where I had helpfully pointed out in blue Bic that the way the top of her hair poufed it made it her look like a Conehead. I actually remember feeling ashamed of that at the time, since I have known her since 5th grade). We pointed out some people that were mean to us (forgive!), we remembered some bad hair, we laughed, we cried, we rubbed bitter salt on ourselves, we got kind of evasive, and then I took the book back home where it should (must!) stay.
This post has almost nothing to do with Maxim, the magazine. Except for this - as I was muddling around on Cande's phone last night, trying to find a picture of the belly dance costume I may want to purchase, Carol says glancing at the pictures, "Those look like something you shouldn't wear in public."
But my theory is, it's like being at the beach - everyone else is dressed inappropriately for any other situation, so we all just deal and drop the judgement, right? Except that since it's dance, there's an audience and performers, and since it's middle eastern dance, only the performers are dressed inappropriately and subject to judgement? I need to purchase my very first oriental belly dance costume for the Christmas hafla (wanna come? I can get you tickets! Let me know.). It's important that I feel and look happy. In public.
So, here's what I'm thinking of wearing in public:
I like the fringe, I like silver coins, I like that I can get different skirts for different looks. It also comes in comically over-sized boob sizes, which is VERY VERY important to me.
Maximizing is the corner of perfectionism that I live in. I tend to spend a lot of time picking things out, obsessing about exploring ALL of the options, and then repeatedly whacking myself upside the head if I feel even slightly dissatisfied with my final choice. I do realize that the modern marketplace is designed to make me dissatisfied with my choice, so I can get another one, or keep shopping anyway. I had read an article in Psychology Today on vacation about some strategies to STOP doing these things (pick the first acceptable choice and stop looking, just stick to reliable past choices for routine items, etc.) and I was so looking forward to being happy.
But some choices are just too important to just pick the first option. Like this house, for example. It's been one of my greatest regrets that we didn't look harder. I shouldn't even second guess it. I own a house. It's perfectly serviceable and inexpensive. Roof. Floors. Yard. Nothing wrong with it at all. Except I always think I could have done better. But nope, we looked at only one house. And then we put in an offer in and everything just kind of came together after that.
So, I'm going to sleep on this costume idea. One more night. One more dream. (I dreamed that I bought two costumes while staying in a strange hotel with community bathrooms. When I got back to my room, the 2nd costume was gone. And it was my favorite, I discovered when it was gone.) Your input is helpful too. (I realize I will look NOTHING like either one of these models.) I am going to maximize this shopping experience one more time, and not just because it's no small amount of money. Because it is pleasurable.
It's a story that I heard once about some friends that tried to drive to Canada from Michigan (which it's true, used to be no big deal) and then realized pretty much immediately that it wasn't as easy as it used to be. U-turn. The U.S. Customs gave them a really hard time about it when they tried to claim they didn't know they needed a passport to go to freakin' Canada. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED AFTER SEPTEMBER 11???" one of the customs officials demanded. They didn't have answer. My smart-alecky answer is above. Good thing I wasn't there, or I may have never returned to the U.S.
So, I last posted September 11. It's now November. Of course, a lot has happened. I went on a fabulous trip. Passed the annual aging mark. Did a lot of tough talking to Mr. Middle-Age Crisis. My dad got married. And I realized that I was getting all dull and dented in the process. So, I started the grateful list again. I can't remember what number we're on. I'll just start with 1, for November 1, to keep myself on track again.
11/1/11 - Belly dance class. Tribal. Love it. I'm still getting better. Twice a week, and I still would do more.
11/2/11 - I went for a run in the beautiful fall weather. I still got it.
11/3/11 - I had an excellent talk with Richard. He's melting down. But it's all good.
11/4/11 - Richard had a show hanging at the art hop, and an excellent turn out for the reception. It was like a wedding, in that everyone you loved that had always supported you was there. Very lovely.
11/5/11 -The fabulous fall weather continued, so we went for a bike ride. We use the same route frequently. I usually get kind of excited about the cows, but the llamas were out! Oh, how I want to hug their long necks.
11/6/11 - Yard work was done. Felt good to be outside and productive.
11/7/11 - I started a craft project. Although it is turning out quite awful, it will be good practice for the real one. (It's a belly dance belt.)
11/8/11 - Cried my eyes out last night, talking with Richard again. Yes, the breaking / melting requires lots of talking. I was just glad to note that I still have emotions, and I can access them. I'm alive!
