I was puzzled when I learned that the protagonist of the Fault in Our Stars (from here on, known as FIOS, just like all the cool blogs) has the cancer that I had. Except that it spread to her lungs. And she's a teenager. And she dies (I think. I haven't read the book or seen the movie, sorry). So, that's nothing like me, in every way. Right? Less than 2% of all thyroid cancers are in persons less than 18 years of age. And even then, Stages I and II of most types of thyroid cancer have a 100% 5 year survival rate (somewhat obvious, but this is the term for the rate of patients still alive 5 years later). Some literature even suggest that "cancer" is kind of an overstatement. It's usually a growth, which may or may not metastasize.
I'm only 4 years out, so maybe I shouldn't be so confident.
I have also been fascinated with the debate about mammography guidelines, for similar reasons. Here's another cancer that terrifies women, despite the fact there are much more likely ways to die. Annual screening keeps it on our radar, though, even when we have no risk factors.
So basically, we need to remain terrified because THEY (the medical industrial complex, where I have spent my entire career) only know how to diagnose cancer. They don't really know how to prevent it, and sometimes they don't even know how to look for it, nor do they know exactly how to stop it. But they know how to diagnose it. Because it's not cancer until someone codes it.
I like to be an obedient patient, and I've got insurance, so why not follow all the recommendations? I went for my annual physical, like a good girl. I confidently informed my physician that I didn't use the mammography order for last year because I don't have any risk factors. She did not agree or disagree, but gave me another order. My blood work came back right in the recommended ranges, woo hoo! So I thought I owed her the compliance.
I went to the appointment, put on the thin cloth robe, and followed the technologist's directions. She got it in two shots per breast (which might have been my first clue. Other times there have been multiple attempts.) I went in to work, barely 30 minutes past my usual start time.
The following day, I got THAT call. The woman on the phone emphasized that they do several call-backs every day, so it's not necessarily anything to be concerned about. Oh, and the radiologist recommended a tomosynthesis (new procedure, not necessarily reimbursed by insurance, 3-d images versus 2-d, from what I can google). That was a little disconcerting.
So I'm back in cancer terror. I've spent the last 24 hours wondering, would I be more concerned about an area of concern, or an all-clear? What if they want to biopsy? What if they find something, and remove parts of my body and try to poison the rest and it's all because they don't want to watch it forever? What if they don't see anything? What if I get hit by a Cadillac in the parking ramp? I was totally plotting on living until I was 90, or out of money, or both.
Because we are all going to die, eventually. When I listen to my gut, it says, no biggie sis, relax, which is what it said when I went through the thyroid terror, so I no longer trust it. Or I should have trusted it all along?
I am going to try to trust it. This is the time to think of Shantideva, and remember, "If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying?"
I'm only 4 years out, so maybe I shouldn't be so confident.
I have also been fascinated with the debate about mammography guidelines, for similar reasons. Here's another cancer that terrifies women, despite the fact there are much more likely ways to die. Annual screening keeps it on our radar, though, even when we have no risk factors.
So basically, we need to remain terrified because THEY (the medical industrial complex, where I have spent my entire career) only know how to diagnose cancer. They don't really know how to prevent it, and sometimes they don't even know how to look for it, nor do they know exactly how to stop it. But they know how to diagnose it. Because it's not cancer until someone codes it.
I like to be an obedient patient, and I've got insurance, so why not follow all the recommendations? I went for my annual physical, like a good girl. I confidently informed my physician that I didn't use the mammography order for last year because I don't have any risk factors. She did not agree or disagree, but gave me another order. My blood work came back right in the recommended ranges, woo hoo! So I thought I owed her the compliance.
I went to the appointment, put on the thin cloth robe, and followed the technologist's directions. She got it in two shots per breast (which might have been my first clue. Other times there have been multiple attempts.) I went in to work, barely 30 minutes past my usual start time.
The following day, I got THAT call. The woman on the phone emphasized that they do several call-backs every day, so it's not necessarily anything to be concerned about. Oh, and the radiologist recommended a tomosynthesis (new procedure, not necessarily reimbursed by insurance, 3-d images versus 2-d, from what I can google). That was a little disconcerting.
So I'm back in cancer terror. I've spent the last 24 hours wondering, would I be more concerned about an area of concern, or an all-clear? What if they want to biopsy? What if they find something, and remove parts of my body and try to poison the rest and it's all because they don't want to watch it forever? What if they don't see anything? What if I get hit by a Cadillac in the parking ramp? I was totally plotting on living until I was 90, or out of money, or both.
Because we are all going to die, eventually. When I listen to my gut, it says, no biggie sis, relax, which is what it said when I went through the thyroid terror, so I no longer trust it. Or I should have trusted it all along?
I am going to try to trust it. This is the time to think of Shantideva, and remember, "If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying?"
No comments:
Post a Comment