Oops, I got a job, and I've been too busy to blog?

But! This means I can write about other things than finding a job. And I'm doing 1,000 other things now, as well as the job. I mean, really, who wouldn't rather think about fashion, or photography, or music or belly dancing or running or gardening or anything but job searching?

It is also kind of sad how much happier I am working in an office, with office clothes. Is that really all it is/was? I mean, my hatred of the gardening overalls was intense, but I grew to respect the utility after some time. Still, I have much more respect for myself when wearing office clothing. It's just the way I'm motivated.

As a bonus, I still get to garden as a hobby. And volunteer, which I prefer! They've asked me to design another garden at Mount Olivet Cemetary, which I'm very excited about. In fact, I need to look up some evergreens for my perceived plan. Everyone loves evergreens in a garden, especially in the cemetary! Weeping might be a bit much, however.

My 2009 goals are to run and train for the Borgess 5k, and perform with a belly dance group. All of those should be doable. Watch me.

More smashing.

Saturday, I smashed my bike helmet. It shouldn't have been that easy to do, is one excuse. I was just frustrated by the difficulty of the trail, and how hot I was on a perfectly cool day, and meant to just toss it a little and pick it up. The plastic over the foam immediately popped off (apparently just held on with a sticker!!!) and it all fell in a patch of poison ivy, ironically. I carried it until I found a trash barrell, which was another 4 miles up.

Richard had gone ahead and didn't really pay much attention to my tantrum until we stopped and talked about it. It's rare for me to be angry, really. I can't decide if it's more helpful to feel the negative emotions, or to brainwash myself with the usual positive statements. But yeah, I'm pissed, I suppose. I'm frustrated. I also know, it'll happen when it's supposed to happen.

I'll just keep pedaling for that smiley face in the clouds. There really was one. I didn't even try to take a picture, because I knew it was only visible because that's what I was looking for.

It's like running in a circle.

I tried to apply for some more jobs last night. Same effect as before! Too chicken to hit the "Apply" button. But chicken isn't really the problem. Part of it is a fear of success, that I will actually have to go out and meet some people and go back inside.

This is not to say there aren't some applications out there, simmering. I haven't heard back yet, which seems like a good thing. Many of the other jobs I have applied for got back to me in less than 24 hours with rejections.

Today I'll have to call the old hospital, because I have to beef up my resume for federal jobs. They want MONTH and year, and I sure can't remember that much detail, along with salary, which I certainly don't remember. I watched a little video on the OPM (Office of Personnell Management) website last night, and the tiny federal man and his captions are correct - I will need to put some work into it, and therefore will get out of it what I put in.

In the mean time, we got a kitten (Mr. Sam Awesome!) but my father's long-time companion ("love of his life", he said) died. I'm ready for 2009 to turn around.

Breakfast of smiles.

Breakfast of smiles., originally uploaded by wizzybit.

Time to get back on track again. It's so easy to space out and just eat everything in sight, and still want more. So I've been trying to make more food at home, because it is generally tastier. And presumably healthier.

The gardening is hard work and hard on my body, and I want to be able to reap some sort of benefit from it. You know, weight loss. Sorry. Girl brain. But I am proud of myself for the progress I've made. I'm not afraid of snakes. I'm not afraid of bugs. I can lift a big rototiller into a truck with help. I can work for 10 hours and still do things in the evening.

I might be ready for an office job, though. I saw one sentence (in a magazine at the yoga studio, waiting for belly dance class to begin) that sums it all up. You are who you are, not what you "do".

Manual labor = good times?

Manual labor = good times?, originally uploaded by wizzybit.

I've been thinking about the "shame" of not having a knowledge worker position at this time, when the New York Times published this article (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/24/magazine/24labor-t.html) in the Magazine last Sunday. Although my job isn't quite as cool as fixing vintage motorcycles, I do feel pretty much the same way. It's hard to look for a "straight" job right now, because I don't even want to do it.

But I'm turning around. Janel said I was a pessimist today. I've never wanted to be seen that way, so it's time to get in gear and be the optimistic idiot that I really am. Why wouldn't I be able to make a living gardening? There's as much work as there is time and space. What was I going to do with more stuff? I love to travel! Money is for eating. There is no such thing as security, anyway.

Looking down the mountain

Looking down the mountain, originally uploaded by wizzybit.

I'm back from two different trips, the only ones I had planned this summer. This is a scenic overlook on the Blue Ridge Parkway in North Carolina. Very gorgeous, but not my scene. I felt unbalanced there, and the actual wave of relief that came over me when as we drove back into the midwest flat lands was unexpected, but pleasant.

Why, indeed.

Why, indeed., originally uploaded by wizzybit.

A picture I took at my former employer's parking ramp, back in December 2008. I would have added the question mark, if I'd had spray paint with me.

I'm ashamed to admit, I kind of finished smashing my old Canon point and shoot today. It was somewhat satisfying, but now I'm without a reliable camera to carry with me. I had dropped it on the stairs, trying to get a picture of Blueberry the cat, back in the day. The bottom kind of popped out, so you had to hold it together while taking pictures, to make sure the batteries were engaged. I tried to take pictures last night, but it was too frustrating. I tried some more today, and was equally annoyed, and then the smashing began. Against the dining room table, nothing too dramatic. But it's dead now.