Really?

I intended to apply for jobs online today, but didn't actually click the Apply button once. Why do I feel like a 1990s PSA against marijuana usage? I guess I was just being overly literal again. Do I really have ALL of those qualifications? Of course not. I never did, even for the jobs I've already performed. We're all impostors, no?

I had lunch with my dad, also. I secretly hoped he'd have a surprise way out. Surprise! You don't have to worry about this any more because you've passed all the tests! Now, you can just kick back and travel, with daily mimosas. But, really, no one IS coming to save me. I have to do it myself.

Also filed under, "Really?" is that there's a movie coming out of that stupid Julie / Julia book. God, I hated that book. I may have been unreasonably jealous of the concept, because I love to document things like that. I did start dating each recipe in the Better Homes and Gardens cookbook as I cooked it, and it's entertaining just from a historical perspective. I haven't made banana muffins since 2007? How can that be? So maybe I'm a little more critical, because I know that I didn't follow through. Much easier to glare at Meryl Streep, I suppose.

Plants I hate

I did 10 hours for the gardening job today. I was working alone again, and really, only two things happened. I found a dead bird (it looked like a robin, maybe died last fall?) and I found a 4-leaf clover.

I also decided, there's the gardening job, and there's the gardening joy. Joy usually occurs in my own yard, I'm projecting, because I don't have any of the plants I hate there. Joy and job are pretty close in this aspect, so I shouldn't make it sound too negative.

But, oak trees, why do you have to keep your leaves so long, and then drop them in the ground cover? I fish out your leathery bits for hours. And ground cover (really, most of it, but I'm especially tired of cottoneaster and vinca today), why do you have to hoard so many oak leaves? There's plenty for everyone, and I still end up leaving you quite a bit to hide, since it's impossible to pull it all out with a rake, or even your gloved hand.

A minor annoyance, obviously. At the end of the day, I took a shower and ran off to belly dancing class. After my usual circle through the alley and downtown, I ended up in my usual parking place near the movie theater. On the sidewalk, there was another dead bird, larger than the first - maybe a crow, or a pigeon? I didn't even want to look, as it was more recently deceased. I did not find another 4-leaf clover, or penny to balance it out.

I might be too old for this - or not old enough.

So I was scheduled to work for Janel today in the gardening business. I had my assignment ("Try to be at my place at 8, not 8:20," she stated). It was a beautiful sunrise, all orange. I had my new SPF t-shirt on, white of course, as specified in the dress code, so I wasn't afraid of getting a sunburn this time. I knew there was rain in the forecast, but how many times have those guys been wrong? Nothing to worry about.

It's easier to pace yourself when you work alone. I spent a lot of time at the property thinking about stuff, raking contemplatively, crap that you can't get away with when you work with the team. I like that aspect of the gardening work.

But I'm afraid I'm going to forget how to wear a suit, or walk in heels, or manage a meeting. It's been 34 days since my position was "affected" by the "economy" at the old corporate hospital that shall remain unnamed. What if I just fall off the face of the corporate planet? Is that okay? Who do you check with about that?

I'm starting to think that I'm not okay with falling off the face of the planet. I tried to sign up for a job fair that is tomorrow. But when I re-reviewed the list of employers present, I realized I only wanted to work for one of them, and the positions they had available were out of my league. Like, really out of my league. Requiring a statistics background. Yeah. Not going to work. Unless I can keep Kirk on the instant messenger at all times.

So, I garden again on Wednesday. Hopefully it won't rain, like today. My poor white fancy t-shirt was dirty before I even left Janel's house, when a tarp of yard waste went over my shoulder as we hoisted it to her pick-up. Later, my cuffs turned filthy brown from the lack of coverage of my rain poncho. Hopefully the laundry will fix it up. On the other hand, it's not like I was going to wear it to a job interview on planet corporate.